About Me
--Start of Day one. 6/28/01 at 12:31am
Lots of people have wanted me to write a little something about myself. Ok, well I am finally getting around to it. I will try not piss anyone off this time like I did last time I did something like this.
Ok, well here it goes. My name is Chris Mize. Lots my friends just simply call me Mize. I don't really mind it, but other times it really pisses me off. It gets old after a few years of people yelling Mize down the hallways to get my attention. I wouldn't mind it so much if they said it in a normal voice, and not like a freaking retard. I go to GCHS and I will be a Junior back when school starts up in August. My B-Day is June 4th and I am 16 now. I am one of the youngest Junior's there will be next year, and it sucks always being the youngest in a class. Especially the part about me not getting my license till mid July. It really sucks, but oh well, that is life and I will live it out and see how it happens.
"GOD" + "Religion"
Ok, here is where some people get a little sensitive about this subject in fear of an all powerful man/woman/thing that has created us all. I my self don't honestly believe in that, and I have my reason's for it. I am not a "God" fearing person since I don't believe in a "God". I don't believe in a "heaven" or "hell". I don't believe in an "after life". You are on this earth because a long time ago some little single celled organism started to evolve into what we are now. If there is a "God" he/she/it created that little thing, not us. We simply evolved from that. We are the mistake. The human population in a whole has sinned so much that it can never be made up. I have not given up on life totally. Its just some things don't make a whole lot of since to me. Like believing that "God" loves us all no matter what we do, but yet if we do something he doesn't like then we will go to a place where pain and torture are all around us, and we will be tortured for all eternity, but threw it all he will still love us. I am sorry, but if you truly love someone/something then you would never threaten it with pain. "God" site up there is his "heaven" and looks upon us and sees all the bad that is going on, and what does he do? He does just about as much as the human race is doing. Which is a whole lot of nothing. Sure some people still got good in there hearts, but most don't. They will say they are religious just because they fear in "God". Which again you should never EVER have to fear someone that loves you. The whole 10-commandments thing doesn't make much since to me either. Why should someone listen and follow what one person sets out and says what right is and what wrong is. That in itself is a dictatorship at it's best. The last time we listened to someone like that we got a bunch of dead religious Jewish people, along with many other races of people, and if you think about it that is what is happening now. People kill other people because of what they believe in is different than what they believe in. That is another flaw with religion. I am not talking just about Christianity. It is about every religion that is out there. They all hate or dislike other religions because they believe in a different "God" then what there kind believes in. You can see this through out time. Millions of religious people dead, because they were fighting what religion was better. Through out time "God" was a big part of people dieing. His/her/It's followers believed that people that thought different disserved not to live. All in all I don't believe in religion in a whole. It just all seems like a bunch of hypocrisy at it's finest. I have believed in all this since 7th grade, when I would sit in class and zone everything out and just think about "God" and "heaven" and "hell." I have always been afraid to say what I am saying now because I was afraid of what people will think about me. I don't care what people really think about me anymore. I will be who I am, I will follow what I think, and I will stay that way till I experience something in my life that will change that.
P.S. I know some people will say "What about Jesus? He died for your sins." Well sorry to break it to you but I wasn't alive back then, and I think it is hard to commit a "sin" when the person sinning is not even born yet. Well Jesus may of died for my ancestors and what they did wrong, but I had no part in there sinning, so I don't own Jesus a thing. I don't need to worship him. He has done nothing to help me personally. I am not saying he never was alive, I think he was, but I don't think he died for my so called "sins;"
Looking back on some of the things I have said makes me wonder what I really believe in. I am honestly not sure. I am, for now, a lost soul searching for an answer. If you could help feel free to message me on AOL, my s/n is JohnDurham316. Only message me if you really could help. Don't talk to me about me going to "hell" for saying that I don't believe in "God." Me righting about this is one of the least things I should worry about. I got a life here, and I am trying to keep that going. I am hoping death wont come and see me anytime soon. There is someone here that is making me wanting to stay more and more. Every time I talk to her, or see her. I know I wont be leaving soon. I believe people here on earth need me for something. People say I am easy to talk to about problems. I have lots of people talk to me about there problems. If you ever have something to talk to me about that is bad, be sure to tell me. It will make you feel much better to talk about. Trust me. And it will make me feel much better about me since I know there are other people out there that have problems, bigger than mine. It lets me know that I am not alone.
Ok, I realized that what I said last time about that certain someone that makes me want to stay here more and more may sound like that I wanted to kill myself if that person ever left my life. I believe that suicide is wrong, and is that pansy way out. I would never kill myself purpose. I would never want to. I know there would be people here that would be hurt to see me go, well at least I hoping that some people would be sad to see me part this lovely earth we got. Sure I have thought about it, but I could never do it. Everyone will have something happen in there life that will make them at least think about it. Suicide is another touchy subject people don't like to talk about much. And it's when you don't talk about it that bad things happen. So if you are thinking about it and/or tried it, then tell me. I think I could help. If you don't tell me then tell someone. People will care when you talk to them about that. There is always someone that will care about you no matter what you say or do in your life. That is one thing I believe in, and will always believe in for sure. Someone will always be there when you need someone.
--Added on June 28th at 3:30pm
Ok. Someone just asked me if I believe in reincarnation. No I don't. I believe that once you die you are dead. No questions asked. You won't go to "heaven" or "hell" based on what you did here on Earth. I don't think someone can truly do wrong. Who is to say what right and wrong is? Some rules wrote down on a stone tablet somewhere that one guy/girl/thing made up thousands of years ago? Times have changed since then. People are different. Everyone breaks a rule once and a while. People have been around longer then any religion. Religion just appeared one day when someone was thinking, "Where did he come from and how did we get here?" Ok, I don't know where to go from there, so I will end it now.
Personal Quotes
"There is no meaning of life. Life is just one big fuck up in the process of evolution. Sooner or later we will die out just like all the other creatures on this earth. We may be the present now, but we will all be in the past soon."
-Mize
"Believe in what you think is right, because to you, that is all you will ever have in life."
-Mize
Everything on this page here is opinions only. I am the one that thought of this. No one has influenced me on what I think or believe. I think for myself. If you are offended by anything I have said then please tell me what and why. I would like to here what others have to say about this. I know there are a few people out there that will get pissed off at me for this, and well, I am sorry for them. It is sad they can't stay calm over what one little person thinks. I feel sorry for them, and let "God" have mercy on there wondering soul.... :-)
Ok, that is it for now. I will add some more once I feel like getting around to it. bye bye all, I hope you had a good time with this. I know I did.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3 <3
<3 Mize <3
<3 <3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
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Ok, this guys legs are pissing me off, they wont look right......It took me a few hours for the hands
So I am going to call it quits for now. I will work on this later...
--End of day one. 6/28/01 at 3:43am
RACISM
Ok all. Lets talk about some racism and the words that come from it. Around where I live there is racism everywhere. I don't agree with it. It is pointless to have it. It doesn't solve any problems that this world has. People you don't like anyone other then there own race is just a plane simple minded arrogant dip-shit who don't know jack about this world and the life that goes on it. People that come here are here to stay. They aren't going to leave over what a group of people say. In some places it is the white man that is the minority. I would like to someone from the KKK go to Harlem wearing his KKK outfit, and see how far he gets. I know that no one from the KKK would do that. They are all a bunch of hillbilly hicks who drink and make fun of blacks because they have a darker skin tone. They are probably to insecure about there dick size to take a look at the fact that most of the world isn't white. I am not racist. I am far from it. I may say "nigger" sometimes, but never in a bad way. I believe that it is ok to say what you want to say as long as it is not in a bad way. If you walk up to someone that you are friends with and say, "What's up my nigga?" then anyone around should just know that you are saying hi and how's it going. People who get pissed at that are also simple minded. But if you go up to someone and just flat out say, "Fuck you nigger!" then you should probably get a good beating because that would be meant in a bad and derogatory way. So, racism is one of the stupidest things that has ever happened in this country.
*The Worst Good Bye*
As I stood in her kitchen by the door,
I wiped her tear from her cheek,
I kissed her on her forehead,
and slipped my ring in her hand,
I told her I loved her,
and I will always be there if she needs me,
I looked at her one more time,
and told her bye,
as I walked home I turned and looked one last time,
knowing that I will never be returning,
I held my head down low,
as a single tear ran down my cheek,
I remember this day like it was yesterday,
I lay at night, wishing I never left my house that day,
That I stayed home and never went,
I dream that everything is the same as it use to be,
but as I wake up I know it will never be the same,
So now I go to bed,
wishing I wouldn't wake the next morning.
-The End
This is a first draft of it, I will make it better later...maybe I will at least..........
*NEW*IT'S HELP TIME!*NEW*
Ok people, I have helped so many people in my life time. Made them feel better when they felt bad. Made them smile when all they felt like was crying. Made people want to live when just before they wanted to die, but my question is....Where the hell are these people in return? There has been maybe 2-3 true people in my life that I felt like I could tell anything, and one of them hardly talks to me anymore :-( I now talk to her friend though. She is really nice and I enjoy talking to her. She helps me out a lot, but I just wish I could have her back! It's been about 11-12 weeks since she broke up with me and I still miss her! I can't hardly talk to another girl without thinking about her! It is really starting to piss me off. At first I thought we would get back together since she said she still loved me, but I was just talking to her and she said:
johndurham316:
we hardly ever talk any more :-(
S*******13: lol I noticed...I guess its just that when I was trying to
get over u, whenever I talked to u, it all just came back
.I guess the thing that hurt me the most out of that was not that she is over me, but she thought it was funny! That really pisses me off. I want to tell her how I feel, but I just can't bring myself to it. So now I will just talk to her, pretend that I am over her, and that I don't feel anything for her any more. That there is the biggest lie I would ever have to say/do...... I talked to her for a few minutes the other night and she said she was having some problems with other guys being jerks to her. I feel bad that they treat her like that. She really doesn't deserve it, but then again I think it is good, because I feel like she will realize how good that I treated her....I mean I flew out there 2 times just to see her!! I really miss you Krissy, and I didn't mean for you to see this and get mad at me. When I said that I was glad that he was being a jerk I didn't really mean it. It's just that you are moving on pretty fast for me and I am still stuck on you. So sorry I said it.
Like I said before I got off track. No one is really here anymore to help me with my problems.....Soooo many people come to me with there problems...Don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping people, it's what keeps me together at times. It's just that I could probably use some help too....if you couldn't tell already....but I guess I will hold my head up high, and pretend nothing is going wrong, and that everything is just sooo perfect since all my friends seem to think that already!
Ok, that is about enough bitching and moaning for one night...g-night all...
**Ok, I have finally moved on from Krissy...well, I have been past her for almost 2 1/2 months now, so all the stuff about her is
non true now. I hope I never feel like that again. I got a new love, one that helps me out with all my problems,
one that understands where I am at and what I am thinking, I love her with all my heart and I want her to know that
I am sorry for this, and I hope she will keep on loving me back.
*Edited on 8-15-01 at 3:40pm*
**Edited again on 1-10-02 at 10:00pm**
Caution: This poem contains graphic ideas, they were all how I felt at once, but I don't feel the same anymore.
The only part that is true is the end.
This is dedicated to Kristy, who I love so dearly, and to Amanda, who has done more than
any of my friends to help me out.
Thanks to both of you.
:-)
**"Sit and Wonder"**
As I sit and wonder,
Late at night,
About the things,
That give me frights,
About the girl,
In which I loved,
About the times,
We kissed an hugged,
About the dreams,
We once shared,
About the thought,
That she once cared,
I wonder why,
It had to end,
I wonder if,
We could mend,
As I sit and wonder,
Late at night,
About the things,
That give me frights,
About the gun,
That is at my eye,
I wonder if,
I should die,
One quick pull,
Is all I need,
To end this life,
Right here before me,
As I sit and wonder,
Late at night,
About the things,
that give me frights,
About my life,
And what is right,
As I put the gun,
Away for the night,
I nestle down,
For my rest,
I sit and wonder,
If this is what's best,
To keep on living,
This great big lie,
Or to keep on giving,
This suicide thing a try,
To keep on smiling,
Like nothing is wrong,
Or to sit and wonder,
With my little gun,
I could see it now,
Late at night,
Me in bed,
All covered in red,
Then I wonder,
If anyone would hurt,
By my part,
From this fucking Earth,
I think of who,
Would even care,
As I sit and wonder,
If I should even dare,
Then I think,
Of my few close friends,
The one that told me,
That life shouldn't end,
I thank Amanda,
For I owe her my life,
Because if it wasn't for her,
I wouldn't be here tonight,,
My life has moved on,
From that unearthly con,
As I sit and wonder,
Late at night,
About how my love,
Is so tight,
The girl I speak of,
Is as beautiful as a dove,
Because she is the only one,
That I truly love,
She makes me feel,
So damn happy,
That I hope to live,
To be an old and sappy,
All I want,
Is to be with her,
For she makes me glad,
And takes away my sad,
Now I sit and wonder,
Late at night,
About the ones,
That helped me out,
About the few,
Who knew how I felt,
About the one,
That made me melt,
As I lay my head,
down at ease,
I think about,
My life fees,
About the pains,
I use to have,
About the shame,
I once had,
As I sit and wonder,
Lying in bed,
Wondering about,
The things I've said,
She walked in my life,
Without one warning,
And so I loved her,
By next morning,
She talks to me,
And calls me Hun,
So now I can sleep,
Without this stupid gun.
AHHHH!!! I am done!!! My masterpiece is complete
please e-mail me with any thoughts/concerns. thanks
and if you feel afraid of life, and what is to come, then talk to me please,
I want to help. thanks
Love
Chris
Final Thought:
Sorry if I have cussed on this page. I didn't mean to. I just think and type. If you see where I typed a cuss word, then I don't care, because it is only words. People who get all up type about someone saying "hell" "shit" "damn" "fuck" or any other word that they don't like. GET OVER IT! They are words. They will not hurt you. Learn to ignore what people say if you like it. Better yet, listen to them, and don't be so simple minded about what is right and wrong. I will listen to what anyone has to say concerning anything and everything. So, for those who don't do that then that is just rude. Everyone has a right to say whatever is on there mind, no matter how sensitive of a subject it is..
If you want to get a hold of me then IM me on AIM or AOL at JohnDurham316
Or you can E-mail me at wzrd1050@home.com
Have fun all!
In the words of the great Remoh
"Enjoy-"